Thursday, December 5, 2013

A slow return

Hello dear souls.   This space has been very quiet for well over a month now.  As scared as I was to leave this space, it was a much needed break that my soul needed.  I was mostly afraid of the dear souls I have connected with in this space, would never return.  This space was started as a small spot for me to write down my feelings, and happenings, but I have formed some wonderful friendships along the way and I did not want to lose that.  I hope to see you all back here in time.  Thank you for everyones kind words on my last post way back in October, your words always bring me such comfort and Joy.  
The last month and a half have been so busy, but also quiet at just the right times.  I stepped back from a lot of social media, except for my dear Instagram (how I love you so!)

Mercury in retrograde along with familial happenings, left me feeling the need for quiet and space for myself and for my family.  During this time we welcomed a new family member with the birth of my sweet nephew Kaleb.  He is perfect, and squishy and just a ball full of love.  We are all head over heels in love with him. 

As much as I don't want to admit this, his birth is what sent me into a little bit of an emotional tailspin.   Whenever a new baby joins our clan of family and friends, it rips a small hole in my heart.  Not that they are not loved and welcomed beyond measure, because they are.  It just reminds me of the thing my husband and I long for most.    

During this same stretch of time, my beloved grams took a big downturn health-wise.  She has been on a steady decline for the last couple years, but this time I thought for sure we were going to lose her.  My mom moved in with her a couple years ago to help take care of her, but even with her being there and a steady stream of home health workers being there it just wasn't enough to provide her the kind of round the clock care she truly needs.  So with heavy hearts, the family decided to move her into a residential care facility.  It truly is a beautiful place with only four residents, and I love knowing that whenever she wants or needs something, someone is right there to take care of her.  Even though not having her home is heartbreaking.   

This was us a few years back.  She is the best person, with an insane sense of humor and the best laugh.  She taught me to read under a tree, she has seen me through heartbreak and the most wonderful times.  She has shaped me into a strong, independent, kind woman.  Without her I would be a much different person.  If you could take a moment to hold her in your thoughts, it would mean the world to me.  

Whew, that seems like an onslaught of sadness.  But just like everything the tides turn, and the shadows lift, and I start to feel like myself again.  I am here, the world is beautiful, and I am loved everyday.  And just like I know that dark feeling will come back, I know it will pass just as quickly.  I will make it through, just like we all do. 

There has been so much beauty these past few weeks as well, so much:

 Cozy, quiet nights spent at home with my beloved.

Cup after hot cup of tea.  Lindsay of Danmala has opened my eyes to so many new and exciting teas.  Not only different kinds, but new ways to enjoy and celebrate them.

Loads of family time.  I love them all so much.  This picture of my husband and nephew is going to be treasured forever.  

New stones and pendants discovered at a new to me local apothecary shop.  With the most insane, low prices.  This beauty was only $10!!

Lots of breakfasts at our favorite local french bakery, where the tea lattes are the size of my head.

Nights around the fire, one of my most favorite things about Autumn and Winter.

Cozy baby cuddles with baby K.  


Nieces and nephews who both turned three, and pinatas!!

An awesomely fun Halloween, and our annual haunted trail.

Connecting deeply with mama earth, and feeling her beauty and wonderment each day.

Sitting under my favorite tree, and finding sanctuary in our backyard.

Park time with our beautiful nieces.

Sunsets and sunrises of the holy variety.  These California skies have been filled with magic lately.  It is awe inspiring. 

This song on repeat from my favorite artist Laura Veirs:

I hope the last few weeks have been kind to you all.  I cannot wait to catch up with all of you in the blog world. xoxo


  1. It is nice to see you in this space again dear, I for one have definitely missed your posts (not that I have been a loyal poster on my own blog lately)
    Emotions seem to be high for everyone lately, but I'm glad you're feeling better and that this social media break helped a bit. Sometimes it's nice to jut step away from it all.

    (also I changed the url of my blog to just so you know- I'm so afraid I'm going to lose all my followers, haha)

    1. Thank you Manda! I am so behind on catching up with my favorite ladies. I am looking forward to reading yours and checking out your new space. xoxo

  2. *huge, huge hug* Welcome back, lovely, and never feel bad about taking a break. Your friends will be here for you, no matter if that break is a day or a year!

    I'm sorry you went through such mixed emotion, when your nephew was born. I've gone through that, as well, except during a death. When my mother passed, who was loving - but also quite abusive in her own way - passed, I felt relief for myself and also her pets. On the other hand, she was my *mom*, and she liked Jen, and she was a good person under all of the craziness. I STILL have trouble with how I feel about her passing. I know this is pretty much 100% different than what you went through, but I do understand, as best I can.

    I am also sorry about your grandmother, however from what you've said, it sounds like she's in a wonderful place!

    I am so happy for the goodness going on, and I am so happy that you can see that goodness. *big hug*

    1. Knowing that we are not alone when dealing with deep, dark feelings makes it so much easier. Love to you Angie, looking forward to catching up with your space. xo

  3. Hi Hollie,

    Thank you for sharing. It's interesting how you can hardly know someone, but how they cross your mind often - you are one of those people. Maybe it's because your bunting is hanging in my home ; ) I listened to this interview this week and was so moved by it (sobbed through the beginning). It's not related to what you are going through directly, but it is related in every way to grief. Maybe you'll enjoy it too? I plan to read her book soon. You can also listen to the interview as a podcast too.

    Big hugs beautiful lady. xo

    1. Oh Falan, thank you. You cross my mind all the time and thank you for sharing this. So many warm hugs to you. xo

  4. Beautiful Hollie: welcome back. <3


    1. Thank you M, I have missed this space and yours. xo

  5. Love this song- 'Make Something Good.'
    Congratulations on your beautiful new nephew, Kaleb. You look lovely holding him; soft and joyful.
    Hollie, I know what you are going through. My infertility was an unrelenting inner battle, too. As friends and family around me continued to expand their families, I kept waiting, hoping every month, only to feel a crushing blow when my period arrived. Eleven yrs. later, the miracle happened.
    Somehow yours will happen too... "it's gonna take a long, long time... we're gonna make something fine."

    1. Oh Kim, I wish I could hug you tightly right now. xo

  6. Replies
    1. Oh Diana, thank you. I feel not very brave most of the time.